“I’m sorry.. Good night.”

That’s the end of the 2-week love story.

A love story which never existed in the real life at all. A love story that complicates everything. A love story that I think never existed in his heart and mind. That’s the end of that love story. The end of “ifs”. The end of “buts”. The end of “please..” The end. Just that.

I will never talk to him again. Never.

KIM: You know Nico?

GUY: Yes, why?

KIM: Wala lang.

GUY: Bakit, type mo?

KIM: Hindi a.

GUY: Eh ano mga type mo?

KIM: Mga kagaya mo. 

Wala lang. Natawa lang kami sa isa’t-isa. xD Honestly, mabigat ang feeling co ngayon. It feels like what “someone” said won’t still feed up to my mind. Ewan ko ba. Napareflect ako sa sarili ko and until now, hindi ko parin alam kung totoo nga ang sinabi niya.

It was out of nowhere lang naman when he told me those. Masyadong serious kasi yung pinag-uusapan namin when I threw a joke on him.. you know to cheer him up a bit kasi hindi ako sanay sa masyadong serious na buhay. Whatev.  Suddenly, parang he got angry or napikon, he said those hurtful words on me. (I don’t know if sadya talaga yun or nabigla lang siya.)

GUY: You know what, you’re so childish. And nakakainis talaga. You don’t take things seriously. Lahat dinadaan mo sa tawa.. sa jokes.. sa ewan ko ba. And you know what? That’s also the reason why guys don’t like you. Why guys don’t take you seriously. Why guys leave you. Dahil ikaw mismo, you don’t let them think that you are to be taken seriously. (and he walked away)

I was stunned. I just looked at him. Ewan ko ba pero I felt as though I was stabbed by a double-edged sword. Does he know me so well? Does he have the right to say those things? In  fact, he only gotten to know me for around 3 months or so (hindi pa kami niyan magkasama araw-araw). What hurt me was that how could he say it when HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW ME? The hell. Nakakapikon.

But then, because I’m open to things, I paused and asked myself, am I really like that? Kasi obviously, wala rin namang nanliligaw na guy, may mga interested nga, pero di naman tumatagal and the other one who was close to a potential bf — exchange me for someone less than me. I don’t know. His words hit me hard. I called my friends to ask things and stuffs kung ganun nga ako or something like that.

Sabi nila, I may be makulet at times, but then alam ko naman raw kung pano ilugar yun. Praning, pwede pa raw. Pero childish? HELL NO.

I don’t know. I know myself better than him. And I guess, my friends are right. Makulet ako and I don’t take things seriously (because of some reasons), but I know where and when to be makulet and all. Yung pinag-iisipan ko ngayon is yung phrase,

“That’s also the reason why guys don’t like you. Why guys don’t take you seriously. Why guys leave you. Dahil ikaw mismo, you don’t let them think that you are to be taken seriously.”

I’m acting as decent as I could so that I can find a guy who’s also decent as much as I am. But I guess, he thinks it’s the other way around. Now, I don’t know who to believe: myself or that guy who observes as keen as an eagle?

I don’t know. Naguguluhan ako. Kagabi, I was thinking that maybe this is the answer to my questions kung bakit walang guy na interesado. I’m not being desperate or anything, sometimes, you just feel like “undesirable” kasi nobody’s courting you or something like that. Guys like you; but they don’t love you. :0

Reactions?

So yeah, I woke up around 5am to get ready and prepare so that I can go out of the house around 6:15 in the morning and arrive at Lasalle around 7:15 or so. Hihi. I was with Sharmaine.

Then at the school, we saw JR - also waiting for his 7:30 class at s15. The three of us hang out together for awhile and Sharmie went ahead to D building kasi baka malate daw siya. So me and JR talked for awhile and then we went on our ways.

I went inside s14 (room of my first subject, Philosophy) and sat at the back, not really at the backrow,  just around the back part of the room. Walang ‘CUTE’ sa guy classmates ko! Hahahaha. Sir Pellejo was great - uber laughtrip. The next teachers were good too. Wala pa akong masyadong kilala but I had friends na — Christa and Angela. Both are “cute” people, as in literally “cute”. We three had our lunch together with Sharmie, Christine and another girl.

Then at around 2, Christa and I went to eat at Jollibee. We’re good. I like her. I went home around 3 and started blogging this. Hahaha.

To sum it all up, the day went fine — no, better than what I’ve expected.  I’m sure I’m going to love COLLEGE. ;]

SM galore with Jake and Megan. Hihi. Another dare. I noticed whenever we go “tambay” at SM, may ginagawa talaga kaming kalokohan. Like, last Tuesday.

Jake and I were sitting at Mang Inasal when Megan spotted us. So ayun, she ditched her family and went to us. We just smiled at her dad. Then ewan kung anong nangyari. We just told her out of nowhere, “..kung gusto mong tumambay kasama namen, dapat makapal ang mukha mo..”. Sabi niya naman, “..oo naman! ano pa’t naging magfriends tayo..”. Edit ayun, we dared her something.

DARE TO MEG. Spot some “guy” and make him believe na naging schoolmates (moreover, seatmates) kayo nung gradeschool.

– Aba, at ang bilis nakakita ng biktima. Napakagwapo ng guy (kung alam lang ng bf ni Meg-Meg ito, lagot siya!). Hahaha.  Ang ganda daw ng usapan nila, alam mo yun. Natatawa daw si Meg kasi uber isip at nagtataka daw yung si “Paul” kung pano nga talaga sila naging seatmate sa gradeschool. Then iniinsist daw talaga ni Meg, tapos sabi sa kanya ng guy.. “Honestly.. it makes me wonder kung pano tayo naging schoolmates, I mean seatmates. Sa DonBosco ako e.” Wahahahaha.

INFO. DonBosco, located at Victorias City, Negros Occidental, just around 2hours away from Bacolod is an exclusive boyschool.

Hahaha. Tawa kami ng tawa ni Jake. Pati si Meg, nahiya. LOL. Sabi niya raw, “..aah, sabi co nga, hindi siguro ikaw yung seatmate co dati. Pero infairness, grabe ang resemblance niyo..” tumayo at bumalik kaagad samin si Meg. Sabi niya she won’t do it again. LOL.

DARE TO KIM. Spot a guy and make him remember that you are his ex.

–Walangya mag-isip si Megan. Amff. Mas grabe ata ito kesa sa dare ni Jake noon. Pero nakataya dito ang ticket ko sa Caregiver. LOLs. And ayun, I went up to a guy na nakatayo dun sa labas ng Quantum. Uber cute din.

Kim: Oii.. dear, kumusta na?

HE STARED. AS IN UBER STARED AT ME.

Guy: Kilala ba kita?

Kim: Aba.. nabgreak lang tayo di mo na ako maalala.

Guy: E-excuse me.. uhmm.. baka nagkamali ka lang. Sorry.

He walked away. I FOLLOWED HIM.

Kim: Wag ka namang ganyan. I hate you. Dahil ba ako nakipagbreak sa iyo, ganyan ka na? Oh come on! I don’t deserve something like this.

Guy: Really, hindi kita kilala. I mean, you look familiar, pero hindi kita kilala.

He’s trying to be nice to me.

Kim: But-

Guy: Really, I’m sorry. And.. isa pa lang gf ko. There o.

Okaaayy, I looked at the girl and smiled at her. Then umalis na kaagad ako. Hahahaha. Uber nakakahiya but dang.. I got a TICKET to watch CAREGIVER. Hahaha. Sayang pa yung 90php. Di rin naman ako kilala ng guy na yun. XD

<hr>

ENROLLED. Yay. As in I’m now an official Lasalista. Err.. tomorrow’s going to our freshman orientation, then sa 10 na yung start ng classes namen. Arrrggg. And I got my sched na rin. Uber early — 7:30 am (MWFTTH) 3:30pm (dismissal-MWTTH). Tapos 12nn may class aco. Amffff. Pero okay narin to. XD

See ya.

Self-discoveries. There were some stuffs bugging me since last last night. I didn’t post anything yet due to the fact that I’m still trying to figure out how I’m going to put it into words.

Then I came to Neex’s blog to comment on his posts when I saw a reply that caught my eyes and got me wondering.

kengkay // May 27, 2008 at 2:53 pm

bakit ako until now infatuated pa rin, hehehe. pero alam mo, if you could make it clear to that someone na friendship lang ang mabibigay mo sa kanya; mas mabuti. kasi mahirap din yung naka-tunganga ka yun pala walang magbibigay sa yo ng kahit na crumbs man lang. pero kasi may mga taong mas in lab dun sa feeling kesa dun sa tao e, yun ang medyo mahirap paliwanagan kasi asa fantasy world na yon. meanwhile, have fun!

Dun ako napaisip ng mabuti. I mean, pano mo magugustuhan ang feeling kung indi mo gusto ang tao? Siguro what Kengkay meant was that you like(not love) the person, but you LOVE the feeling. Siguro ganun. Anyway, wala lang.

SELFDISCOVERIES.

1.) I LIKE THE CHASE NOT THE PERSON. I came to a conclusion na may attitude ako na nagkakagusto ako sa mga guys na ALAM kong di ko kayang abutin or something like I know that they won’t like me back. Like for example, I liked this guy named Eric. He’s not kaguwapuhan but he’s really really smart and uber suplado and it feels like di ko talaga kayang abutin. We were seatmates and we really don’t get along with each other. Para kaming cat and dog, but there were good times too. Like we would talk to each other at Physics para di kami makatulog, or play “tanke-tanke” or “SOS” or anything. So yooon. I liked the chase, not really the person. Parang gusto ko lang siya kasi I look at him as a challenge. Yung parang ganun. So I confessed nung Grad na crush ko siya and he just answered me, “I know”. Okaaayy? Then just this summer, he posted at his blog na gusto niya pala ako. Then my classmates started texting me that I should hook up with him. Oh no! Hindi. Ayoko. Ayoko. Ayoko. Ayoko. So that’s when I came to a conclusion that I just like the chase and not the person. It’s like, an achievement for me na nagkagusto sakin yung taong I thought would never ever like me. Yeah, I’m bad.

2.) I WANT TO BE SINGLE FOREVER. Yeah, I rant being single but just last night, I decided that I want to be single forever (unless may ibibigay sakin TALAGA si Lord). Why? Maybe because takot ako. Madali akong magsawa and all, I’m kind of afraid na if ever I’ll get into “marriage” or something like that, I’ll ask for a divorce because I fell out of love. So ayoko nun. And also, to save others from the pain. Like what happened to me and my crush named Brix. He’s not really the type of crush na uber crush na crush na solid talaga ako. It’s like, pag nakikita ko siya, “okay, crush kita” pero pag hindi naman, “okay, di kita crush”. So parang ganun ang dating. But then I really “stalked” him last summer kasi neighbors kami and he always bike around the park every morning. So i started biking narin, and mukhang nahalata niya na, so I started avoiding him. Then after one week, sumabay siya sakin and he told me na hinihintay niya raw ako every morning, pero nakikita niya raw akong nagdedetour. So yuuun. We started hanging out and after a week or so, I started avoiding him again kasi hindi ko na gusto yung ganun. So parang, nagsawa ako? Parang ganun.

3.) MAKAPAL ANG MUKHA KO. Oo, sobrang kapal. Kahit ano, pwede niyong ipagawa sakin. Lol. At mas makapal ang mukha ko if I’m with my friends. So yun. But when I’m at the stage, sobrang nanginginig ako. I mean, hindi ako nahihiya, nanginginig ako. As in, nininerbyos and I don’t know why. Amfff.

4.) I WANT TO BE A LAWYER BUT I CAN’T IMAGINE MYSELF BEING ONE. Eto ang hindi ko maintindihan sa sarili ko. I want to become a lawyer, but I can’t imagine myself being one. You know, standing at the front of the court saying this and that. Hindi ko talaga alam. Amff. But I really want to be one.

5.) MALAKAS AKONG KUMAIN. “Yukk, ang lakas mo kumain.” Sabi ni Jake last night. Craap. So what? Then it just struck me. Oo, malakas talaga ako palang kumain. Craaaap. Di ko napansin. Di rin naman kasi ako tumataba. Ammfff.

My lower back was hurting since last week. I asked Ate Neym about this due to the fact that I have a feeling this has something to do with my kidney. So I asked for some medications. She told me that I should drink Flanax and if the symptom persists, I’d better see a doctor. I didn’t want to drink a medicine, so I asked my cousin what other means I could stop the pain. Then she answered me to drink a lot of water (since I don’t drink much) and try drinking Buko juice too.

So there, I’ve been in a water therapy since Thursday night and man.. it feels good. My bowel movement is kinda back to normal (not really normal, but better). I urinate every three hours or so, or whenever I feel I wanna pee. It really feels great. And just this Saturday, I drank a 1.5 litre of water just in the morning. Gaaaaa. I feel like I’m going to vomit all those liquids. But for the sake of MY KIDNEY, no way! I’m gonna make this through.

Water therapy is the best. XD As to what I’ve heard, it makes your skin clearer too, so it’s like hitting two birds with one stone. Looovvviiinggg it. <3

Okay, so maybe everyone’s making entries at their own blogs about the latest of American Idol.. WAS IT MY FAULT THAT SKYCABLE HERE IN BACOLOD DOESN’T HAVE A QTV?! So I had to wait till 6pm at Starworld for the airing of American Idol last Wednesday and yesterday!

WEDNESDAY: American Idol’s final showdown. DAVID COOK vs DAVID ARCHULETA. Gaaaggg! The showdown finale was the best I’ve ever seen in my whole life. Although their songs didn’t bring goosebumps on my body, it was still great. The two are so opposite. Cook sang “soulful rock” songs and Archie sang “ballads”. It was really hard to choose who will win the title. And dang, I’m not a fan of the two, but why did I find myself applauding at Archie’s performances? But honestly, I like Cook better. He’s cool with and without the guitar on his hands. And he’s soo.. manly. Unlike Archie who’s kinda a little “young” for this. But anyway, at a moment there, I really thought Archie would win this. Simon said, “It was a knockout”, Archie won the fight. Randy said, “The show is all about you.”. And Paula said, “You are the star that we are looking for” or something like that. And yeah, I really thought he’d win the title.

THURSDAY. The great announcement of the winner. DAVID COOK vs DAVID ARCHULETA. Okay, early of the morning this day, Zhenh and Almz texted me that COOK won. Hahahaha. I was tempted to make a blog and watch the airing at Youtube but I still had something else to do. So yeah, I waited till 6pm to watch the airing. And yeah, DAVID COOK won the SEASON 7 AMERICAN IDOL title with SIMON COWELL’s APOLOGY and garnering 12m votes or 56%. That was more than enough. Shocking to me, not to everyone. I really thought Archie would win it. Haha. But I guess Cook deserves it more. He reminds me of Chris Daughtry everytime he sings. He’ll do well. And Archie.. there are still lots of “offers” waiting for him… and that includes marriage proposals of those blonde high school girls. LOL. Well, all’s well, it ends well.

My cousin Bai is soo in love with Cook, just telling you by the way. Oh well, I love them both and as what Simon said, “At this point of the show, I don’t care who wins because you two are both good people.” (I’m not sure if that’s the exact words, but something like that.) Haha. Sorry for the wrong quote.

So, was it really knockout for Cook? Or rather, knockout for Archie?

So we got a new “hobby” which is called – teen-age-couple-watching. It was so much fun kasi wala kaming ginagawa ni Jake sa SM. At our front were 3 teen-age couples sitting down at their own tables. Then ayun, we had a wild idea na magpacute daw ako. Kung tatalab, he’ll treat me a drink at Zagu.

And ayun nga, medyo nagpacute ako and the guy was responding naman. Nakadikit yung mata sakin. Then siguro, di na kinaya ng girlfriend niya, she went up to us and oh yeah! Hahaha.

Girl: MAY GF ANG TAO, NILALANDI MO. MAHIYA KA NAMAN, MAY BF KA RIN NAMAN AH.”

Nailed it.  Jake and I tried so hard to be serious but we both know we were laughing hysterically at the back of our heads. You should’ve seen that girl’s red face. LOL.

Fuunnnyy talaga. I’m going to do it again next time.. only when I’m with Jake though. You should try this guys. Sooo fun!

I’m not really excited to go to Lasalle for my college. I hate this school. It feels like everyone in Bacolod goes to this school. Same old faces. Gaaaa. Plus, I really envy my friends and HS classmates who are going to some “far” away places to study college and they’ll be staying in somewhat place called “dorm” and I just so envy them. Yeah, ranting.

But yay! I hope I can take my vacation already. I can fully relax now since I’m finished with college stuffs and all. I mean, I was finished processing my requirements at Lasalle. I guess having a Mom tagging along at your side is an advantage. LOL. If I was there all alone, I turned into stone. XD Nobody was giving me some attention. Gaaa. But yea, I’m all done. Kekeke. I even got my ADMISSION CARD right after the interview. Gaaaa. I’m just so happy.

Next week, I will have my Non-professional driver’s license. Harhar. I can finally drive my car. Mom got it too early for me. Tsk. I wanna drive my Lolo and Lola everywhere they go. Driver’s not always free since Tita is using him. And Lolo doesn’t want a new driver kasi it’s too magastos na raw. So sometimes, nagtataxi lang sila ni Lola. Even though, taxi’s fine, sayang naman yung bayad when they have an extra car lang naman. So when I get my license, I’d really drive them around. I’d be more than willing to do it for the two old people.

I finally made a site where I can keep all my stories: http://angmanunulat.wordpress.com. I know for sure this one will not be down or disappear. I wanted to keep it in a hosted site sana but I always have problems kung nagdodown ang site and all. Ang hirap na naman icopy from forums and transfer again. Plus nalilito ang mga readers kung san pupunta. So, yeah. TAMBAYAN NG MANUNULAT is official.

I’m blooming.. again. I met someone and his name’s Larkin. Yeah, I know, it sounds like a fish or some specie of birds. Hahaha. He’s really cute. Physical appearance: HE LOOKS LIKE A BADBOY -  a clean one.  He’s super pulling me close to him. LOL. I couldn’t take my eyes off him at the party. So yeah, he got my number and now, we go out once a week or kung kelan ako may pera. Lol. I really like talking to him. SENSE and HUMOR combined. Dang.

Pag college, may kaholding hands na kaya ulit ako? 

Bad month for me! Hmp.

It’s really sad. I won’t be able to attend my high school graduation. Huhu. I hate Mom. Why do I have to go through this? Di na nga ako nakaattend ng Christmas Party nung December, pati ba naman graduation ko? God. I’m going to miss half of my life. Hmp. They’re soooo baaaddd.

I’m going to school tomorrow to tell my adviser and to say goodbye to my friends and classmates. Sobrang maiiyak ako tomorrow. Ilang taon ko na naman sila makikita. I will miss them sooo baaaadddd. I really feel bad.

[when you’re gone playing]
Aish. Nung Wednesday pala, nakakainis. Grrrr. That mean old woman na walang kapoise-poise. Minura ba naman ako sa Red Ribbon store? How dare she?! I don’t even know her! I mean, I know her kasi siya yung Mama ng “nanliligaw” sakeeen. Grrrr. That guy, bakit kelangan idaan sa Ina?

His Mom told me na pinapaasa ko daw ang anak niya, which is bad daw kasi masama daw ang magpaasa ng isang tao. Dang! Saan niya naman nakuha iyan? We all know that simula’t sapul, alam ni Maki na wala siyang pag-asa sakin. Naman… walang ganyanan. Okay lang sana iyon eh, kaso parang pinalabas pa akong pokpok kasi with matching, “..at ginagastusan ka pa ng anak ko..” Errr. Huh? Gastos? Hello?! Ano kala mo saken? Binabayaran ng anak mo?! Wala akong natanggap na kahit ano galing sa lalaking iyan! Naman.. yung pinaka-ayaw ko dun, eh yung sinabihan na ako “P*TA”. Hala..

Teka, anong karapatan mo Ma’am na sabihan ako niyan? Di naman ako ganyan. Waaaaahhh! Pasalamat siya di ko kasama si Mama. Pasalamat siya mahal ang cake na hawak ko. Pasalamat siya nasa public area kami. Pasalamat siya may respeto ako sa mga matatanda. Pasalamat siya may takot ako sa Diyos.

Ang nasabi ko lang, “First and foremost, hindi ko pinaasa ang anak niyo (tingin ng masama kay Maki), second, wala akong natanggap sa lalaking iyan kaya hindi ako ang ginagastusan niyan, third, konting respeto naman po, nasa public area tayo.” Umalis kaagad ako dahil sobrang naiinis talaga ako at parang gusto ko ng umiyak.

Humanda ka talaga sakin Maki. Crap naman o. Nakakabadtrip diba? Mama’s boy. Crap. Grrrr. Hanggang ngayon di ko parin matanggap ang pinagsasabi ng Mama niya. Isusumbong talaga kita kay Mama! Grrrr.

Ang sarap niyong dalawang sapakin! Ang sarap-sarap talaga.